I got married when I was 21. The first two years of our married life went smoothly, but when we approached our fourth year with one kid, our relationship started to experience its ups and downs, and it has been really hard for both of us. From the happiest and most exciting part of our lives, it has become the most difficult and challenging point of our journey as a couple.
Through it all, I tried always to stay strong and make sure that we strongly stayed together for the sake of our love for each other and our kid.
I Found Out That My Hubby Has Schizophrenia
My husband was 25 when he married me. He got the diagnosis of schizophrenia four years after we got married. It started just after I gave birth to our son. We had a heated conversation regarding my going back to work. I had to start working again or I would lose my job and may find it hard to get another one. He was very much against it and just wanted for me to stay home and take care of the baby. That would be easy if we had enough money to pay our bills. However, it was difficult during those times since we were just starting a family and the baby’s expenses were way too big.
I often got lots of phone calls and text messages from my husband whenever I was at the office or out of the house. He would keep on calling just to check on me, but nothing significant. He would nag me to come home right after work and would accuse me of things whenever I had to work overtime. He had changed, and I think it was odd as we had never had trust issues before. I did try to ignore it at first. However, it became overbearing. I sometimes felt like I did not want to be home to see him because I knew we are just going to fight over nonsense things. I hated it when we argued, as he would later feel guilty about it to the point that he would hurt himself.
…schizophrenia is a psychosis as opposed to a neurosis. The difference is that psychotics see and hear things that aren’t there while neurotics, who can be seriously disabled, at least don’t suffer from hallucinations. — Stephen Mason Ph.D.
I Got Confused
The first time I saw him hurting himself and discovered that he had done those before made me feel at a loss. I never thought he was capable of cutting himself. He even became more violent as days went on to the point that because of my confusion and panic, I would give in to what he was asking of me so that we will not argue, but we still ended up in that situation over and over again. I started to fear for my son’s safety and mine. I began to question, “Does he still love us?” I did not understand him.
Since its discovery, schizophrenia has been one of the most difficult and complex psychological disorders to treat. — Robert T Muller Ph.D.
We Needed Help
It came to a point when I thought I needed help. I did not ask his opinion about it at first, and never mentioned anything, but I started talking to his parents regarding his behavior. It was then that I found out that they have noticed it, too. They became aware of his mood swings when we would visit, and he would just throw fits for no reason. He would accuse me of negative things even in front of his parents and siblings. They knew something was wrong, but they just didn’t want to meddle. They were waiting for me to approach them.
Her mom helped me ask for a doctor’s opinion regarding his behavior. The doctor urged me to tell my husband about getting help. Of course, he refused at first. His violent arguing, mood swings, and accusations made me almost leave him, but I was not ready to give up on our marriage, so I tried looking for family counseling near me and had a few visits to see what we can do to convince him.
The doctor prescribed him medications first to stabilize his mood. It was never an easy quest for us all, but with patience and the help of his parents and the therapist, he was convinced to be checked at a mental health clinic.
Psychoanalysts see psychotic experiences—such as hallucinations, delusions, and catatonia—as symbolic representations of internal conflicts, ideas, and wishes. The patient with schizophrenia engages in a psychological process known as concretization wherein the abstract is transmogrified into definite, concrete representations or forms. — Mark L. Ruffalo D.Psa., L.C.S.W.
We Never Lost Hope
I believe that things will go well for us all. The support we are getting from our parents, the mental health care provider, and his cooperation with the treatment are all amazing. I continue learning things about schizophrenia and equipping myself, so I can deal with the circumstances and control the situation before it goes out of hand. There may be moments when I would lose my temper, which I was told is okay, but I am still struggling to keep my cool as much as I can. We are still trying our hardest, and it is kind of lonely sometimes, but we are all hopeful for our son’s future.
It is hard to see someone you love struggling with mental illness. Seeking help from a professional will ease your burden and allow you to cope with the loneliness and hardship for the sake of your family.
Schizophrenia is an illness. If you have a partner or a kid with schizophrenia, do not take to heart whatever they are saying or doing that might hurt you. They love and care for you. There are just things they cannot control brought by the disorder. Learn to look past the illness and just focus on their heart and on ways you can help them recover.